Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been on kind of a writing hiatus. I’ve lacked inspiration to write and inspiration to do just about anything.
It was recently pointed out to me that I don’t take care of myself. I don’t take care of my surroundings. I pretty much only take care of my son and making sure my boyfriend is where he needs to be, when he needs to be there. I’ve let myself slip. And with that slip, came the biggest one of all-my mental health.
It’s been apparent for some time that my mental health has rapidly been deteriorating. Bless my friends who have stuck with me through it and tried to keep me grounded. I’ve recently made the decision to go and see a new psychiatrist to be placed back on mood stabilizers, antidepressants, vyvanse and anti-anxiety medication. Sounds like a lot, I know. But when you are Bipolar 1, ADD and have extreme anxiety, its necessary. I’ve held off of being back on medicine for so long because, if you’ve ever been on mood stabilizers you’ll know, they take away my ability to have emotions. I’m basically a high-functioning zombie. But I’ve lost the ability to keep my moods and mind in check. I’d rather be a high-functioning zombie than out of control manic one moment and majorly depressed and having panic attacks the next. It just needs to be done. For me, for my family, my boyfriend and my son. Admitting you have a problem is honestly the hardest stop in any sort of recovery process. And, hey, I’ve done this shit before, I know the drill. Time to stop making excuses and reclaim control of my life again.
Eventually I need to get back on ALL of my meds, including my medicine for my chronic fatigue, firbomyagia, chronic migraines, sleep disorder and vitamin deficiency. But baby steps. My mental health will come first. I can’t even begin to keep up with a regimen, get active and physically healthy again unless my mind is in the place to do so. I’ve spent so long just making excuses- It hurts, I’m tired, I’m anxious, I can’t think straight, I’m too depressed to get out of bed, I’m too manic to save my money- but enough is enough, already! How the fuck do I expect to finish school, have any sort of job satisfaction or be happy moving 3000 miles away to the West Coast if my problems are right here, with me?? The answer is I can’t.
Job hunting has been a bust so far. I have a good gig lined up but I can’t start working until they have open positions, and that could very well be months. Every other interview for different jobs I’ve been on has gone really, really well but come to nothing in the end. So I’m trying to keep my head up and stay motivated. Maybe it’ll be better when I have my focus back. I don’t know.
My relationship has suffered greatly because of my lack of control, not that bipolar people genuinely have any actual control over their moods and subsequent behavior. But I’m trying to rectify that. They say nothing good comes easy. You have to work for the things you want. And I want this. I want him, more than anything. But we’ve both admitted our faults and now we have to make the changes that need to be made. We deserve more as people and our son deserves more. So much more. We’re both tired of having those “Should we break up?” talks. We’re both tired of loving each other but not being able to get past certain behaviors or circumstances. So we are going to change. Together. We are going to take care of each other.
But on to talks of better things. Speaking of taking care, the fun portion of this post will be about taking care of skin, mine in particular. Some of you have asked me to talk about my skincare routine and what products I used for my particular skin. My skin has always been a point of pride for me. When I was a teenager, my siblings all got the thin, athletic bodies but all of the acne as well. I, on the other hand, had the pudgy not-so-athletic body but the clear, beautiful skin that rarely had a blemish. I try to keep it that way. Now, having a child and all of the different hormonal changes my body has gone through has changed my skin drastically from when I was a teenager/young adult. But I’ve adapted.
My skin currently is a combination. But not the combination you think of when you hear that word. Normally, combination means oily in the T-zone and dry everywhere else. For me I mean it is literally a combination of every single kind of skin type possible, normal, dry, oily and sensitive. A lot of how my skin reacts to things depends on the “time of the month” and other stressors present in my life, mental, physical or environmental.
As a general rule, since I wear so much makeup, I, at the very least, take my makeup off every night. There is the occasion where I am way too tired or drunk or just whatever that I won’t. But, if you have time to take off your makeup every night, don’t you DARE go to sleep with that face on. Don’t. It clogs up your pores so incredibly horribly. Usually the only times I break out are when I use oil-based products or I’ve accidentally slept in my makeup. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, if you use wipes, always use a separate wipe for you eyes and your face. Because, you will either A) Get all of your pore-clogging eye makeup into the skin on your face or B) get all of the bacteria and nonsense that’s been on your face all day into your very sensitive eyes. Just don’t mix. Don’t. If you use baby wipes to wipe off your makeup, I won’t knock you for ballin’ on a budget, but I personally would never do that. They aren’t designed for places such as your eye lids. And they just don’t do the trick, IMO.
So as far as removing make goes, I have a couple of different routes I take. I usually use a generic makeup removing wipe from pretty much any store. I have yet to find one that hurts my skin, so why pay an extra 2-3 dollars for Neutrogena or Aveeno, etc.? When I am wearing HEAVY eye makeup I always reach for the Boscia Make-up Breakup Cool cleansing oil to really wipe away the heavy makeup. Sometimes I’ll reach for the Simple Micellar Cleansing water instead but not as much now that I’ve discovered the Boscia oil.
I honestly don’t wash my face all that often, I’ve found that with my particular skin, the more I wash it the more oil is stripped away. And I am very sensitive to oils so I can hardly add an extras to my face, hence I cannot afford to really lose any. But when I do I either reach for the Bioré Baking Soda Pore Cleanser of the First Aid Pure Skin Face Cleanser. The Bioré is good to help clean out my large pores in my T-zone and the First Aid is just a very good, gentle, yet deep, cleanser. I used to use the Clinique Step 1 Cleanser but I’ve received so many samples recently that I can’t justify spending the money on another cleanser while I have so many. But I will probably go back to that once I run through all of the samples I have. WHEN IN DOUBT, CLINIQUE, people. I would recommend that for ANYONE.
The next thing I ALWAYS do, is an important step most people skip over- toning. Toning is SO important for the health of your skin. Toning helps to detoxify your skin, shrink your pores, remove any dead skin that may be left over even after a scrub and it helps restore the pH balance to your face. Currently I am using the rest of my Clinique Step 2 Pink toner number 3. It technically isn’t right for my skin anymore because I’m not overall oily-skinned anymore. Btu it’s not harsh on my face at all and I can’t justify buying a new one until this is at least almost gone. A lot of people use witch hazel, or homemade toners. Do whatever works for you, but once again, I would recommend researching which Clinique toner is right for you and getting that. WIDC (When in doubt, Clinique).
Next What I do is moisturize. I have fund my holy grail moisturizer and will literally never use another one. I have been using this for over 7 years and literally any other one I’ve tried has made my skin greasy, break out, dried out or just bleh. You guessed it, it’s Clinique. WIDC. But it’s not their yellow moisturizer that is an international best-seller or even the gel form (though that would be a back up should I ever need one). It is the Clinique Moisture Surge Extended Thirst Relief Gel Moisturizer and holy fuck, y’all. It’s the most hydrating, non-greasy, skin nourishing and smoothing thing I’ve ever put on my face. I’m current using up some travel sized ones I have before buying another full size. Waste not, want not.
*Sobs just looking at it*
I also use a lot of masks. I’ve tried everything from clay, to foaming, to sheet, to partial sheets, to mud to whatever. These are my 4 favorite. Pretty much anything Glam Glow makes I will buy. I only have 2 right now, the Hydrating (Thirst Mud) and the brightening (Flash Mud). But I want the Clearing (Super Mud) and the Tightening (Gravity Mud). Full size these retail for $69 but I just buy the small sizes and get a good 7-10 uses out of them for $22. But I’m gonna have to suck it up and buy the full size if I really want Gravity Mud because they don’t make a small size *hmph*. I also use the Origins Clear Improvements Active Charcoal Maska nd the Dr. JArt+ Dermaclear Trans-foam Clay Pink mask. Both for clarifying and clearing the skin. Both very good but nothing compares to Glamglow IMHO.
*Sorry my shit is dirty cause it stays in the shower usually, whoops*
For my eyes, I just started getting into eye care. I’ve tried a million different creams and what not but currently I’m using only two. In the mornings I use the Clinique (Yes, again) Pep Start Eye Cream and both in the mornings and evenings I’m using the Algenist Complete Eye Renewal balm. Both of my eyes, in particular the right, are lacking volume underneath. Yes, especially the right. And I’m trying to put off getting a filler as long as possible because fillers are expensive. And let’s face it, one day I absolutely will do it because the difference between my eyes in terms of volume and fullness under the skin is drastic. But for now, I’m using creams to try and help puff them up.
And lastly, I consider priming a part of skin care routine, seeing as I wear makeup every single day for the most part.
I have tried SO MANY FUCKING PRIMERS. I mean SOOO many. But, just like moisturizers, the mess my skin up horribly. These three are the only ones that work for my skin. The first is Hydraveil by Illimasque. It’s pricey, but worth it. It doubles as a moisturizer if you let it sink into your skin. It’s this thick, jello like substance that you scoop out and it literally just absorbes into the skin. If you let it. If you want to go ahead and put on makeup, go for it because for the first five minutes it leaves a very refreshing, moisturizing yet TACKY feeling on your skin that just grabs your makeup by the balls and makes it stay.
The other two I use frequently are the Smashbox Photofinish Hydrating primer. It’s a gel formula, again like my moisturizers, and it is unfortunately discontinued in stores. the only way to find it is to find someone selling it online. Luckily the formula is such that a little goes a long way. I usually double prime (I know, I’m extra) and whether I use the Illimasque or the Smashbox as the base primer I ALWAYS use the Urban Decay Pore Perfect Primer Potion. It’s THICK. It’s not harsh on my skin or too oily and I literally only use it on the T-zone or places I want extra concealer coverage because it shrinks pores right up.
I occasionally spot treat acne, but I don’t have any left to show you. But I use the Kate Somerville Eradikate Spot treatment and leave it on over night to shrink the acne. Mario Badescue (sp?) spot treatment is another good substitute. But I’ve honestly found that just cleansing your skin and making sure you remove your makeup is the best way to treat acne. Preventing it, in other words.
So there you go, y’all asked for it. My skin care routine. A perfect fit for my current motto of Take Care. The suggestion for this beauty section came at just the right time. I’m thinking of doing my pallet collection next? Maybe a liquid lip update? OR even take a stab at a tutorial? Let me know if the comments what y’all would rather see. *Heart*