Before you say “but Katie, June isn’t over yet”, ask yourself “do I sound fucking stupid?” I know June isn’t over yet. But I’ve already experienced many different cycles throughout the month. Main thing being that, my depressive cycle has started again.
On June 3rd I got laid off. I walked into work, clocked in and my boss asked me to come into his office and shut the door. I knew what was happening right away because as soon as I walked in, I saw my other boss. The only reason they are ever in the same room with the door shut is to let someone go. He handed me a corporate letter and almost cried as he told me that they loved me and valued me but my position was being eliminated, and, effective that same day, I would no longer be employed with the company. Do you know how much that sucks? To hear that you’re a valued member of the team, an asset, and that you did nothing wrong but STILL you can’t work there anymore. I have a whole new level of respect for all of those who worked jobs for years and got laid off because of the recession. To add insult to injury, I had to stay an extra hour to show them how to do all of the reports and spread sheets I work on daily.
It was a Friday. So I decided that that weekend, I was going to get almost blackout drunk then file for unemployment/start applying for jobs that Monday. Basically as soon as I got home the depression hit. I hadn’t really been affected by my Bipolar 1 Disorder much since giving birth. I chalk it up to all of my body chemistry getting shifted around so much. But upsetting events have always had the ability to send me plummeting into a major depressive episode. And I am sad to say, I just went along with it. I still have trouble waking up most days, and falling asleep at night. My food patterns are shot to hell. I contemplated (past tense) suicide for the first time in years. I feel like a zombie. An empty shell. So I did what any good old manic depressive would do, I spent all my fucking money on pointless shit and got really drunk for about a week straight. For the first time in years I didn’t come home from a night out drinking – three times. One night I ended up skinny dipping at a random pool with people from Canada I had just met hours before. I ended up sleeping at my ex boyfriend’s house (Clothes on, people. Don’t even play) because whoever I was with at the time and I wouldn’t stop drinking until 4 or 5 in the morning and his house was convenient. I would wake up 4 hours later and 1) Be glad I didn’t drive home in such a messed up condition and 2) almost wish I had driven home, because being home in bed next to my boyfriend seemed a lot more comforting. I basically lost it for a while. My thoughts were jumbled, I could never think straight or remember anything important. My dad had to come over one night because I had a panic attack. I used to never get those. I’ve had 5 this month so far.
Oddly enough, school is the only thing going SUPER well for me right now. I am taking an 8-week A+P class and I was scared shitless, y’all, that I wouldn’t be able to grasp all this dense material in such a short time. Almost halfway through the class now and I have a B. I’m pleasantly surprised and very much stoked.
My relationship has been weird. It’s always been weird though. Imagine meeting someone who lived 400 miles away. Imagine being completely enamored with them from the moment you saw them. You spend 6 months traveling back and forth between states to visit. And one day y’all decide to make it official and say that all of that traveling was for something, you wanted to be a couple and be together. Well imagine that very same day you get pregnant. Weird, right? Well that’s exactly what happened to us. We have spent literally every single day as a couple either pregnant or with a child. And 6 months is decent enough time to START getting to know someone, but we also lived 400 miles apart, so really we barely knew each other in sense before jumping into this head on. So this month we’ve been trying to get to know each other better. He’s been seeing a side of me that was mostly hidden due to the fact that pregnancy changed my whole life. So he never really heard that much about the thoughts in my head, the relentless lack of self worth, the inability to get out of bed from being so depressed. So we’re working on educating each other about how to live with each other now that our son isn’t a dependant newborn anymore. Our 2 year anniversary is on the 29th. I am grateful that he’s still here and neither of us have broken up with each other yet. Though, Lord know we have wanted to and almost done it.
Now I’ll just show you some pictures of what this month has been. Then I’ll get to the makeup.
*Just some pups out on the town*
My son’s hair started curling. I started wearing dad hats again. and I saw Simple Plan at a rooftop bar. Coincidentally, where I met the Canadians.
Okay, SO, it’s summer. Summer is highlight season. So I thought I’d share with y’all all of the highlights I have in my collection. Starting from the first shadow I used to use to highlight to my new collection.
Here is my collection so far (Lol-so far):
And individually we have
When I first “discovered” highlighting, I didn’t have any money to buy any, nor did I know what I should buy. But I did have Virgin eyeshadow by Urban Decay. And that set it off. My goal was to G L O W after that. I haven’t stopped buying since.
Next I moved into the world of Colourpop’s highlighters because I didn’t have money for anything else, and at $8 a pop, they were fiscally responsible with a great glow.
Then came Sephora’s Spring VIB sale, and I just had to get the glow kit. I couldn’t decided between That Glow or Gleam but I ended up settling with That Glow. And at 15% off, I was a happy fucking camper.
Then yesterday, on the same day-
I got Jeffree Star’s Skin Frost in Ice Cold and the new TarteXGrav3yard Girl Swamp Queen pallet. I literally bought the pallet for the Gator Wings highlight. The shadows and stuff are nice but DAT GLOW, am I right?
Left to Right: Tart Swamp Queen pallet in shade Gator Wings; Jeffree Start Skin frost in Ice Cold; Urban Decay eye shadow in Virgin, ABH That Glow Kit in shades, Sunburst, Bubbly, Dripping in Gold and Golden Bronze; Colourpop Super Shock Cheek highlight in Lunch Money, Smokin’ Whistles and Electric Slide.
I hope these help you get your summer started right and now you can blind some people and glow for the gods. I’m thinking of doing an update to my liquid lip collection soon. So stay tuned for that.
What would you like to see next? Foundation and concealer routine? Pallet collection/review? Let me know. I am at a loss for what to do next.
Below I am going to put links to my Subscriptions if y’all want to check them out and maybe subscribe yourself. I don’t think I can link my Sephora Play subscription, unfortunately. But Ipsy and Morphe Me for sure.